Shared parenting the family unit - article about Shared parenting the family unit

Shared Parenting – The Family Unit After Divorce

A marriage may not work out for a number of reasons and sometimes divorce is inevitable. This is unfortunate, particularly if there are children, and efforts should be made to reduce the trauma they undergo. Shared parenting is the most practical answer, whereby parents get joint custody of the children. Both parents are then substantially involved in parenting the children in every way. In this way, one parent does not have to shoulder most of the responsibilities, while the other becomes the fun parent.

Shared parenting means children spend up to half their time with each parent, and both parents are involved in important decisions regarding the children. This works well if both parents keep their lines of communication open for the sake of their kids, and see to it that they suffer as little as possible because of their parents’ divorce. Parents should put their children’s needs first and involve each other as much as possible, so that children don’t feel the loss of either parent. The parents may divorce, but the family should not.

Guidelines For Successful Shared Parenting

Shared parenting works well if parents decide to remain friends for the sake of their children. It is not for a couple involved in an ongoing marital battle, to let children suffer as well. There may be anger or bitterness, which hopefully will recede, but it should not result in children being used as pawns in adult games of chess and checkmate. Both parents should cooperate and adjust if necessary, to see that the other parent gets a fair share of parenting in all aspects.

Shared parenting may mean being friendly with the extended family for the sake of the kids. While this may not be easy, it prevents confusion in the children’s’ minds, and gives them the benefits of the love and attention of other relatives. Care should be taken not to interrogate children during or after a visit to the other parent. It only teaches them to be secretive or manipulative. Children need both parents in their lives, and this has to be respected.

The pleasurable anticipation of a visit to the non-resident parent should not be diminished by nasty comments. Children should not be used to convey messages to the other parent. Parents should communicate with each other directly. Shared parenting requires a day-to-day plan to ensure stability for the children and equal responsibility for the parents. Any changes in the schedule should be made as much in advance as possible, to prevent last minute adjustments and disappointments for the children.

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