Artificial Flowers - article about Artificial Flowers

I will never understand my neighbor’s landscaping choices. His yard is very neat and well maintained, but it’s the things he chooses to use as decoration that make me think he’s lost his mind. I used to think that artificial flowers were the tackiest thing a person could do to their yard, but my aesthetically challenged neighbor has gone so much further that it would almost be a relief to look over there one day and see a simple ugly display of artificial flowers in a bucket on his lawn.

And of course shortly after the reindeer targets are packed away in the shed for another year, spring arrives with its rampant blooms and beautiful greenery, except in my neighbor’s yard, the blooms are a little too rampant and the greens a little too green. He goes to a lot of trouble creating delightful flower beds made entirely out of artificial flowers, and he doesn’t even try to get them to look as though they’re real. He chooses flower colors that would never occur in nature like too bright corals and fluorescent pinks and I am only partly surprised that he hasn’t ripped up his lawn and replaced it with Astroturf. It would be only the last in a series of hideous steps to make his garden look like a cartoon depiction of nature.

Out of all the crimes against the natural world my neighbor has committed in his yard, the artificial flowers are the most obnoxious. He goes overboard, loading planter after planter full of brightly colored plastic blooms. This year there was a new addition to his garden of pain when he placed window boxes outside of his shed and loaded them up with ugly plastic artificial flowers. He also has curtains in the window of his shed, as though trying to create the feeling that behind the glass window a tiny plastic family eats their breakfast while gazing out upon their equally plastic artificial flowers in the window box. If my neighbor’s yard ever caught on fire, and everything in it burned, the smell of plastic would probably permeate the neighborhood air for at least a decade.

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